Once we (people with Autism Spectrum disorders) believe something, it is very hard for us to change our mind, no matter the information put in front of us. So if we believe what is right, we won’t be easily swayed from it.
The things that are important to us are always on our minds. We are driven to focus on those things and are not easily distracted by what we consider to be trivial. So if the things of God become important to us, everyone around us will know.
We have heightened senses and are not easily able to block out the input that we receive. So if God is talking to us, we have a hard time not listening.
We are very literal. So if the Bible commands that we do something, we are not at rest until we are at least trying to fulfill that command.
We have an excellent memory. So we are good at knowing what to pray for by recalling what God has said and what others have shared with us.
As with all strengths, when not used for God, these very strengths are also our greatest weaknesses. So, quite frankly, the only thing I have found to consistently work when parenting my son, and encouraging myself, is prayer for God’s strength.
I pray for strength and courage for all of you to follow God today – loving the unlovable, caring for those who would be orphans if it weren’t for you, and may He provide joy in places where there couldn’t be without His miraculous power.
April 12, 2010 at 6:56 PM
Awesome article as always, thank you for writing so much informative content on a regular basis.
November 5, 2009 at 3:09 PM
Dear Heather
I wanted to reply to your lovely letter and thank you for your prayers. I felt the need to let you know that our families have parted ways. My son’s friend told him that he can’t be friends with him anymore(our guess is that this was his dad’s request). We believe that this boy had gotten into some trouble. My son is very intuitive. He believes that his friend’s father is protecting our family. The dad truly likes my son and he knows that he is a good person and was a good influence. The boy has been in trouble before (suspended from school for carrying a small pocket knife as well as some other serious issues). This boy could very easily get my son into trouble. We are hoping that he is getting some counceling. I haven’t had the opportunity to see his parents but the opportunity could occur anytime as we live close by. I have come to respect these people and the challenge they face everyday.They have other children so I am sure their plates are full. The boy is still holding his part time job from what we understand. I hope he admits that he has Aspergers(he was told he does, but he doesn’t think that he does).Seems to me that if he admits it to himself, then he can start to understand his own behavior. This boy treated my son very badly at times but my son has forgiven him and wishes nothing but good things for his friend. I have a great kid and I am blessed.
Thank you for your comments. I will be praying for you. Our prayers are constantly with this boy and his family. We pray he will find the Lord (he does go to church) and that the Lord will touch his heart and change him. We do believe in miracles.If it is God’s will, God will bring him back in my son’s life as a better person.Take care.
August 29, 2009 at 5:26 PM
I am new to this blogging thing, but I noticed your sight actually by accident. Autism is not in our family but my son’s good friend has Asperger’s. I have known his family for over a year and I have the sense his father has it also. How can you tell without directly asking? He is very controling and an over protective parent. He has strict rules and they better be followed.(so much so that my son’s friend is unbelieveably scared of him) They, as we are,are Christian people.I have read your “Good News….” and I know God gives us strength every day and if you are going through what these people are dealing with, then I know God’s strength and grace is especially with you.I know their son quite well and he has considered me his friend too. I am trying to learn as much as I can as this is all new to my son and myself. You mentioned about being hard to change one’s mind if you believe something…but if it is against the word of God, would you change your way of thinking? I am praying that this boy’s father will hear the word of God about forgiveness and change his mind about a misunderstanding that has occured between our family and his. My son and his son have developed a great friendship and we are hoping that God will speak to this family to accept the humble apology and let the boys continue their friendship.
May God continue to bless you
Gwenn
September 2, 2009 at 11:52 PM
Hi Gwen,
I am so glad to hear that your son has a great friendship with a child with Asperger’s. After going to Minnesota Autism conference this spring, the message I came home with was that friendships with neurotypical peers is the most effective way for kids with Asperger’s to learn proper social behavior.
About your son’s friend’s father, I would bet that he doesn’t know that he has Asperger’s. From what you described about him, it sounds like he could. My dad doesn’t think he has Asperger’s, though I would beg to differ, and that might be the case with this father. I can’t think of any way of finding out for sure without asking, but wouldn’t recommend asking. If he believes he has it, he will tell people. That’s the thing about Asperger’s – we have a hard time knowing what is considered appropriate to share, so we either say nothing, or over share. But so far, every adult that I know that thinks he or she has Asperger’s tells everyone, so I’m thinking this father probably doesn’t think he has Asperger’s.
I am so sorry to hear about the misunderstanding between your two families. Yes, if people with Asperger’s who are Christians realize that what they are believing is against the Word of God they will change their mind. That is the good thing about the Asperger mind – it likes rules. I’ll be praying with you that this father does hear God’s word on forgiveness and that he accepts God’s strength to act on it.
I don’t know what this father’s story is, but I know for me it can be difficult to forgive, because I am afraid of being hurt again. Though, I think that can be true for everyone, not just people with Asperger’s. For people with Asperger’s, the not knowing what to expect from people can be very threatening, which is why people with Asperger’s create so many rules for people to follow.
Also, because Aspies often have heightened senses, and cannot quickly filter stimuli, they can become much more easily overwhelmed by things. For instance, I have to be very careful about what kind of shows and movies I watch or music that I listen to because I can’t just filter out the bad parts and enjoy the good parts. The bad parts affect me so much that they overshadow the good parts. Or if I am able to filter out the bad, it has taken so much conscious, physical effort, that it wasn’t at all entertaining. In other words, things that others accept as just a normal part of everyday life feels like a mountain to climb for people with Asperger’s
I know I have to constantly coach myself to not make silly rules for people. Because my father seems to have Asperger’s, we always had to do what he wanted, so I am much more adaptable than a lot of people with Asperger’s. But my poor husband has to deal with me when I just want to relax and be myself and have everything my way for once. Thankfully, because my husband grew up with a very bossy mother and father and sister, and because he loves God and wants the best for me, he will have very little to do with me being a tyrant, so I don’t get by with it. So through him, and my willingness to let God change me, I am getting less rule-bound, but I think it is something I will always have to fight, unless God decides to miraculously heal me.
Again, I’ll be praying for your two families. Thank you for befriending this family, and thank you for your humility and desire to reconcile. It really blesses me to know that you are out there trying to love as Jesus would have you do.
One of the pastors at our church (and I keep forgetting to tell him this) has a wonderful gift of being able to explain biblical truths in a way that have made sense to me like no other pastor has been able to. I’ll be praying for someone like that in your friend’s life. My pastor’s name is Mark Herringshaw and he has just co-authored two books on prayer (I think he has a blog, too).