I had no idea!

Ok, so when I wrote my post in November using my autism as a way to explain why we should also treat gender dysphoria as a disease, not just a state of being, I had no idea that a larger than normal percent of people with autism also struggle with gender dysphoria. Just google it and you will find a lot of information out there.

Of course, the information is being used as proof that gender dysphoria is also genetic because autism is genetic. People are being told that this just means that we need to support autistic people in their gender dysphoria.

But I propose something different – something that would have been the norm not so long ago – that this is another indication that gender dysphoria comes into people’s lives as part of something else that is not right in their lives, that it is not a state that a healthy person chooses to live in.

Again, as someone with autism, who has had to struggle through some gender dysphoria myself, I am here to say that gender dysphoria is the symptom of some other problem in a person’s life.

With proper understanding of who God has created you to be all dyphoria goes away. Only a joyful expectation of what He has in store for you remains. Yes, like Job, sometimes there is pain and suffering involved in that path, but, also like Job, greater blessings than you can ever imagine await!

Weirdest Conversation

This morning I brought my two female kittens into the veterinarian’s office to be spayed and have their front claws removed (I know removing claws is controversial, and we truly considered not doing it, but our family is called to host families from around the world, who often include very young children and older adults, so for the safety of those people, we really needed them to not have their front claws).

I received a call from the vet earlier today saying that our kitten, Pippin’s, surgeries went well. I just received a call that Nemo’s surgeries also went well. But as he was talking to me, this is what he said: “Nemo is just waking up from anesthesia. His declaw went well, and those puppy teeth have been removed. Her spay also went well.”

So, were you working on a cat or a dog? And was it a male or female?

I have been very pleased with the service my animals have received at this vet, and it is confusing that we have a female cat named, Nemo.

But, I think the vet had a long day today!

I am for the rights of all women

When did you start to be a woman? When were you worthy of having your rights defended? What makes you a woman? What makes anyone who they are?

I’m pretty sure that I came to be me at the point of conception. That is when my DNA came together to form who I am today. I look different than I did back then, but I am essentially the same person. In forty years, I will look different than I do now, but my DNA will still be the same.

When was I worthy of having my rights defended? Was it when I was able to take care of myself? Was it when I was able to live without the help of someone else? If that is the case, then my rights still aren’t worth defending. I did not build my own house – I bought it from someone who did. I do not grow my own food – I buy it from someone who did. And craziliy enough, I don’t make any money right now to buy those things. I am totally dependent on others for survival. And even if I did make my own money, I would be depending upon someone who was willing to emply me or buy what I was selling. So if the bar is being able to survive on one’s own, then I have no rights worthy of defending.

We need to focus on creating laws that support and protect women who find themselves in unwanted pregnancies. Let’s hold men accountable. Let’s teach our boys to be true men, not predatory beasts. Let’s teach our women to be true women, not doormats who will do whatever it takes to feel loved. Let’s support our pregnant moms so that they aren’t economically disadvantaged. Let’s adopt babies.

The child inside may be a woman who is worthy of being defended.

Life’s a Rollercoaster


I don’t really like rollercoasters. I much prefer the merry-go-round, though I was terrified of that as a child, too. I have always liked the Scrambler – it is very predictable, even as it squishes you and makes you a bit nauseated. So I guess I prefer known pain, even if it is more debilitating than surprise pain.

God has been working with me on that – trying to teach me that the ups and downs He has designed for me will give me exhilaration and joy, even if they look heart-stoppingly scary at first. It’s nice to be comfortable every now and then, but it does start feeling claustrophobic and sickening.

So, while my knee-jerk reaction is that I detest rollercoasters, once I am strapped in and heading back up after that first big drop, I have to admit that the rollercoaster is one of the best rides in the park.

When strapped into life by God’s love, there is no reason to fear; life truly is a rollercoaster.

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.


There are many hurting people

I was talking with a friend about the politics and real world challenges of people who don’t feel comfortable with the gender they were born with. I lean toward helping them learn to feel comfortable in their original skin. My friend believes, deep down, that is the best thing, but his comment was to me was, “But remember, these are real people who are really hurting.” He means that we can’t legislate people into feeling ok about themselves. I agree, but right now, we are legislating to make it illegal to help people feel good about their original selves.

Here’s where I am coming from. I have a scientifically proven,  genetically-based disorder called autism. For years I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, perfectionism. I tried to become a better Christian, I tried counseling (this would have worked if we had known I had autism at the time, but since that was unknown, the counseling was ineffective), I tried everything I could think of. It wasn’t until my son was educationally evaluated and found to have autism that I realized: that was my problem, too. Now that I know that I have autism and have learned what challenges it causes in my life, I have learned strategies to deal with those challenges. I am no longer brought down by depression and the perfectionism is getting much better, too. Knowing the problem, and treating it have made me whole.

Pretending that I don’t have a disorder would not help me, and not learning strategies to help myself would also not lead to the generally happy life I now have.

And that is why I believe that we should stop lying to people who feel that they were not born the correct gender. According to some studies, people who struggle with these feelings often have similar genetics, possibly making this condition a genetically-based disorder, just as autism is. Rather than tell people that this is normal thinking and then encourage them to destroy their physical bodies in hopes that it will bring psychological peace, as we are currently prone to do, I think we need to be honest with these dear ones. My understanding, from the research I have done, is that the euphoria of finally becoming the new gender that they believed they should be lasts about one month, and then the person goes back to feeling just as depressed and confused about themselves as they were at the beginning of the journey. And on top of that, they have caused great harm to their bodies.

It makes me angry to think that we are actually encouraging people to mutilate themselves and in the end, they are no better off than before they started. These are hurting people, and instead of truly helping them, we are just encouraging them to hurt themselves more.

Should there be laws stopping people from changing genders. I don’t know if that would be helpful. But we do need to stop making laws that keep people from learning truths about themselves.

We need to help people understand that they are beautiful beings with special gifts to share with the world, just as they are created. They need to know that any thoughts to the otherwise are enemies of their true self. Loving, gentle counseling and therapy to help people realize their potential as they were created is what will bring true peace, just as it does for people with autism, who feel like they are aliens in this place that most everyone else calls home.

Our brains are powerful, but we can coach them into behaving – into telling us the real truth about ourselves. With God’s help, all things are possible!

To all of you out there struggling, I love you, understand a bit of your struggle, am praying for you and believe that you will find peace in who God created you to be!

PS I realize that some people are born with true biological sex identity issues such as having both sets of organs, not having organs appear until much later in life, etc. They do have a whole different path to navigate.