Kids and same-sex marriage


Several days after the law passed allowing same-sex couples to marry in Minnesota, my 10-year-old daughter noticed a blue and orange Vote No sticker in a passing car window.

“That person voted against the marriage amendment, right, Mom?” she asked. The kids had asked about the Vote No signs during the previous election, so my husband and I had talked about what we believed the Bible said  – that marriage is between one man and one woman, no exceptions.

“That’s right.” Ok, I supposed I had better tell them about the new law. This was obviously on their minds and I wanted them to get what I believe to be the whole truth. I told them about the law. And I reminded them that even if a law says something is OK, it doesn’t mean that we can do it if it is against what God says.

My 11-year-old son then piped up with, “Well I don’t see why two boys can’t get married. I mean, it makes good sense to me, if they love each other and all.”

Oh, boy! God, help me not freak out – give me words that are going to mean something to him! So I talked about how I love my female friends, but I am not married to them. I mentioned that marriage isn’t just about love. Then I felt like God gave me something.

“God made men and women slightly different in the way they think and act. So when a man marries a man, one of them has to act more like a woman. That means that one of the men then doesn’t get to be all that God made him to be. And the same is true for women. But if a man and a woman get married to each other then they both get to be exactly who God made them to be. You don’t want to be less than who God created you to be, or cause anyone else to miss out on being who God created them to be. That would not be any fun.”

We chatted a bit more on the subject, until I heard, “OK mom, let’s talk about something else. Who is your favorite Star Wars Lego minifigure.”

Proverbs 22:6  “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”


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Heather Holbrook

I found out that I have Autism upon having a son with the same "disorder." Ironically, I was voted, "Most Likely to Succeed," by my high school classmates. But had I been born now, instead of 40+ years ago, I would have been considered a different sort of special. This site was started to encourage other Autistics and the people who love them .

4 thoughts on “Kids and same-sex marriage”

  1. Your last paragraph sums up our disagreement perfectly. Well said!

    I do have to disagree a bit with you about your first sentence:

    “Stealing, violence and lying are all deliberately aggressive acts designed to deceive, destroy, force, and harm other people”.

    Since you have not raised a child from birth, I can totally understand how you would have this view. But having two, I can tell you that children are born with tendencies that to them seem to be just a part of being, not a deliberate choice. They also don’t see those acts as harmful against others, but simply an extension of making the world what they think it should be.

    Through careful training and consequences they have come to learn that some of their natural tendencies are harmful to others and need to be changed, but they still struggle from time to time, as we all do with each of our own issues.

    Thank you for your interest and creating a very interesting conversation. Blessings on your day (or night as the case may be:)!


  2. I just came to think of another metaphor. I suspect you won’t like it, because it expresses exactly the opposite view, but I’ll tell it anyway because I think it is a really good metaphor to enable understanding of the other side:

    People don’t choose to be gay. Gay people usually know that they are gay from a young age and it takes them a long time to “come out of the closet” because they are aware of how vulnerable it makes them; that people who don’t even know them will point fingers of them and their loved ones (if these are gay too).

    Here is the metaphor:

    To tell a gay person that he can’t be gay is just like telling your boy that he can’t be autistic. God created him that way, but apparently doesn’t want him to be that way, so he must stop being himself.

    Asking gay people to stop being gay causes a similar kind of misery and confusion as asking an autistic person to please not be autistic anymore, because it is wrong & weird.

    It leaves the gay person only one way to self-acceptance: to stop believing in God (if he did) and shun the Church. And later on he will stand with his friends and look at the finger pointing mass of strangers in the distance that is Church people and wonder just what goes on in their heads and why they can’t stop persecuting people who are different.

    That is how it looks from the other side.


    1. Thanks for your response. However, I strongly disagree that God ever creates anyone to be homosexual. God would not create someone to be a certain way, just to condemn them. Because we are fallen, imperfect beings, we have issues that we need to overcome. For instance:

      Some people have a tendency to steal, but we don’t say that is ok – we expect them to change or face persecution.

      Some people have a tendency toward physical violence. We don’t condone that – we expect them to change, or be persecuted.

      Some people have a tendency toward lying. We don’t condone that, but expect them to change. And the list goes on.

      I am very sad and concerned for those who choose to go to “the other side.”


      1. Stealing, violence and lying are all deliberately aggressive acts designed to deceive, destroy, force, and harm other people. Being gay is nothing like that – it is a gender identity (sort of) based on sexual orientation, not criminal actions aimed at harming people. You wouldn’t say that a marriage is a kind of stealing, lying or violence – a marriage is clearly not that category of thing, whether you approve those people should be married or not. It is a special type of relationship.

        I don’t at all think that God is the one who condemn gays and punish them for being who and what they are – that is people. I just wanted to point out that for the gay person for whom being gay is his/her identity, the Christian condemnations and/or “rescue offers” come across as personal attacks on his/her identity and closest relationships, so no wonder if they don’t like Church people and feel Christianity is a religion of bullies. (which is far from what it was intended to be)

        I also know that we would not agree on that point no matter how long a discussion we had about it, because we don’t agree on the fundamentals. For example I think that being gay is not a choice but a way a person is wired biologically – that’s why that metaphor made sense to me but not you. And as you said, God would not create someone as something wrong just to let that person suffer. Hence, it must be a choice.


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