So a visitor to my website asked if I would post more things about couples where one of the people has autism…
I don’t have something that is specifically for people with autism, but here is something that has helped my husband and I keep our relationship strong. And since I have autism, hopefully it will be helpful to others of you out there like my husband and me.
This is a free little quiz that is surprisingly helpful:
This quiz was put together by author and pastor Dr. Gary Chapman. He has a number of books that are helpful for couples and individuals trying to maintain relationships.
My husband and I some similarity in our ranking of love languages, but his top one was my bottom language, and my top language was farther down the list for him. For instance, he really values people saying nice things to him, while I prefer people to do nice things for me. In my mind, you can talk all you want, but if I don’t see any action, I’m not feeling loved. So I had to get better at saying nice things to him, even though, if someone were to say those same things to me, I would feel patronized. And he has gotten much better at following through on little projects that he says he will do.
At first it was really awkward to say things that I wouldn’t want to hear from someone else, but seeing how much he likes it has made it easier and now it is almost second nature – almost! And it has also gotten easier to say nice things because he is now doing a better job of speaking my love language. So I don’t have to bite my tongue when saying, “thank you,” anymore. Here’s what I mean:
In the past it might take 5, 10 or 15 years for him to get to a project that he promised he would do and he knew I found to be important. He wasn’t taking forever to be mean or hurtful. It’s just part of his dreamer personality to come up with things to do, but not necessarily get to them. So when he actually would get them done, I had a hard time thanking him for them. Or, if I did thank him, I had a hard time not adding, “It’s about time,” or something to that effect.
Take the quiz, you might be surprised to find how easy it is to spruce up your relationship. Oh, and then you get weekly ideas on how to continue to encourage each other. Sometimes I read them, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I try them, sometimes they just seem too cheesy for me. But it is nice to have that free support!
Blessings on you all!